Restoration
by ShouldIGetOutandPush
Summary: Everyone has their breaking point and the Alliance has been struggling for over two years with no clear end in sight.  When Leia is sent with Han on a mission, will the events that transpire have her questioning everything she believes in?  Pre-ESB.
1. Chapter 1

Restoration

_Alliance Headquarters, Hoth_

"She shouldn't be sent on missions," Han Solo said to General Carlist Rieekan. His voice was a low, hoarse growl.

The two men were in a small room in the heart of the High Command wing of the current Alliance military base. A large, transparisteel viewport made of one-way glass separated them from a small conference room. On the other side, Leia Organa sat across from Mon Mothma, her small hands clasped together on the table in front of her while her lips moved in the silent conversation that Han and Carlist could not hear.

Han walked up to the viewport, close enough so that his breath blossomed against the glass. His eyes were fixed on the woman on the other side. "She's not a soldier," he whispered.

He heard Carlist release a long-suffering sigh.

* * *

><p><em>Tierpen – Five Days Earlier<em>

Tierpen was a holy city on the planet Kwenn. The holy city had been in the midst of a religious war that had exploded for reasons mostly unknown or at the very least, misunderstood, nearly two decades ago. The majority of the citizens were Pentas, spiritual people who believed in the goddess Marantha, a powerful deity who promised peace to the settlers of the holy land. But it was the Naran, a small off-shoot cult of the Pentas who held power and had done so for years, keeping the Pentas in poverty and fear. The Naran ruled with an iron fist, while worshipping a vengeful, radical form of the goddess Marantha that they called Sunil.

A need had arisen to send a rescue mission to Tierpen. Two Alliance operatives had crashed on Kwenn. Missing and assumed dead they had finally contacted the Rebels via a Naran Priestess who had hidden the soldiers in a convent in the holy city of Tierpen. The Priestess had insisted on a female, wary of allowing an uninjured man or men into the convent. The fractured Alliance, which had broken up in an effort to remain hidden from the Empire, had limited options at the time of the request. High Command was splintering in several directions, some preparing to head to the Hoth System, some to Sullust and others to key Alliance friendly planets along each of the major trade routes.

In the end Princess Leia was sent with Han and Chewbacca. After they recovered the two Alliance officers they were to report to the ice planet Hoth. They landed on Kwenn at nightfall and weren't due to meet their contact until the next morning. The trio was seated in the lounge of the _Falcon, _enjoying dinner before going to bed.

On trips about munitions, inevitably everyone talked about weapons. Missions for bacta yielded tales of medical miracles and mysteries. This being a mission veiled with spiritual undertones, their contact being a priestess and their quarry hidden in a convent, the crew of the _Falcon_ found themselves discussing religion.

"I'm not putting down anyone's beliefs. I'm just sayin' it seems _contradictory_," Han stated.

"The fighting?" Leia verified.

It was the little things like her ability to compartmentalize everything into neat little labels that sometimes drove him the craziest. "C'mon, don't sugarcoat it, Your Highness. You read the same reports that I did," Han replied around another bite of nerf steak. "It's more like…slaughter."

"It's…_unfortunate_."

Han laughed and then slapped his hand against the table and shook his head in disbelief. "I just love the way you can put a fancy word on everything and make it seem-"

"I'm not trying to belittle what these people are going through. It just does not behoove our mission to take sides on something that we have no control over."

"So, a trade embargo really gets you riled up but murder in the name of a maniacal deity and you can calmly look the other way."

Leia pressed her lips together as she cut up her nerf steak with great intensity. Her reply was delivered under her breath, "There's a reason you're not supposed to discuss religion and politics in mixed company."

"Oh, now I'm mixed company? Well, you never had a problem incessantly discussing politics with my _mixed company_ before. Of course, I realize your one way diatribes really can't be classified as a conversation." He put the tone to his voice that he knew drove her insane. He wasn't sure why his fuse was so short with her lately, but he did little to analyze it or control it.

Leia laid her utensils down. "Forgive me if I thought that a person who had been aiding and working with a cause for over _two_ _years_ might care about and want to know exactly what he was fighting for."

Chewie moaned.

Han agreed with Chewie. For once he thought they were going to be able to fight about something new, but perhaps not. She had gotten back here, to their favorite argument, quicker than he would have given her credit for. "I am _not_ fighting for your cause," Han replied.

"Is that right?" Leia turned to look at Chewie, sitting quietly with his attention transfixed on his heaped over dinner plate. "Chewie, have you or have you not fired and been fired upon within the last two years-"

"Now, that's not fair-" Han interrupted, pointing his fork at her for emphasis.

Leia continued, "_While_ in service and upholding the beliefs of the Alliance to Restore-"

"Self-defense does not constitute-"

Chewie stood, cutting off Han's words as he raised his paws in what seemed to be a mixture of contempt and surrender. The Wookiee grabbed his plate of food and left the room without responding. Han ran his hand over his face. The only person who argued with him more than Leia was his copilot and he was sure to hear about this later. Chewie certainly had his own opinions about the part the _Falcon's_ crew should play in the Alliance, not to mention his creative views of his and Leia's relationship. _How the hell did I end up here?_

Han looked up and found Leia studying him. It was interesting, what seemed to happen whenever they found themselves alone now. In their not-so-distant past, the absence of a third-party wouldn't have stopped them. They would fight with or without an audience. But sometime in the last several months, the fights became more of a habit for the benefit of spectators. When alone, the normally very verbal pair seemed to weigh each syllable with great care.

After a prolonged silence, Leia turned away and whispered, "It is tragic. I'm not completely without a heart."

_Contrary to popular opinion_. The words ran through Han's head unbidden. They were not his words or his thoughts, they were hers or everyone else's. The heartless Princess with ice water in her veins was popular rumor mill fodder throughout the Rebellion. For Leia, Han knew, they had a painful life of their own and suddenly he couldn't remember why he had been cross with her. "I never said you were," he mumbled while he moved the food around on his plate.

He felt, not saw, her eyes lift to him. "I know," she replied. Just two words but her stare bore into him and the words said so much more. At least he thought they did. He was mostly flying blind when it came to her.

"Well," Han said, lifting his head and forcing his voice to lighten. "Since religion is off the table, I could actually go for one of your infamous diatribes…"

His words drew no response, unless he counted her indignant scowl as a reply.

"What?" Han asked, exuding innocence. "They aid my digestion," he added with a wink and a teasing smile.

Leia let the muscles in her face soften; sometimes it was actually a hard-fought, conscious effort to do so. But it was usually fairly easy in Han's company, not that she would ever tell him that. She looked back down at her plate, finding it hard to match his stare. That was an anomaly for her. The art of meeting an opponent in the eye was practically taught to her since birth, a definite must-do for political positioning. But Han wasn't an opponent, not any longer. Just what he was, she wasn't sure. But an opponent he most definitely was not.

"Were you raised with any religion?" She asked, clearing her throat halfway through her sentence. She regretted that her question sounded slightly demeaning and hoped that Han didn't take it that way. She wasn't trying to start a fight.

Han heaved a heavy breath. Leia tensed, and then heard him answer, "No." And after a heartbeat or two of awkward silence, he added, "You?"

Leia shut her eyes briefly. _Of course_. She had asked the question. Han then answered and returned it in kind. That was only what good manners would dictate. She wondered why Han always decided to actually have manners at the most inopportune times. "Not in the traditional sense, no," she replied.

He put his fork down and granted her his full attention. His actions had been confusing since they had left the base. She was sure it was because he had fought against her going on this mission. Han fought against Leia going on any missions. In some ways, she liked that. In others, it made her feel as if she had something to prove to him. It was easier to fall victim to the latter.

"I was raised with a sense of right and wrong," she began and wondered if he could see her faltering; wondered what he would think if he knew how difficult it was for her to even think about anything that had happened before the day she had met him. She continued, "With a compassion for others. I was taught to bel-" A lump in her throat cut her off. _No, no, no, no, no_. She steeled herself against the storm of emotions threatening to engulf her.

She watched like it was in slow motion, as Han stretched his hand out across the table and covered hers with his. His touch was enough to set her off-balance but when he accompanied it with a gentle squeeze and a tenderness flooding in his eyes, it proved to be too much. She yanked her hand back and stood abruptly. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her head down as if speaking to her plate. Picking the edge of her plate up and setting it back down, she whispered, "Can you…?"

Han waited a minute, until she could bring herself to look at him, his eyes tinged with confusion and worry. "I'll pick up," he answered and with a tilt of his chin he added, "Go ahead."

And she fled the room as if it were on fire. If only her father could see her now, running away from…from what? She locked herself in the sanctuary of Han's cabin. She felt disoriented, scared and confused, a range of emotions that were not foreign to her. No, it was not uncommon for Leia Organa to _feel_, what was uncommon was for her to _let those feelings show_.

Controlling her emotions was something else that had been drilled into her until it was like second nature. Even before the events of the Death Star two years ago, Leia was highly skilled and trained on reigning in her emotions. And unlike etiquette and verbal restraint, it had come quite naturally. Never did she feel as if she had to work at it. Never, except in the presence of one, at times insufferable, man.

None, since her father, had ever attempted, bothered or dared to scratch the surface of her steely exterior. Her father had never expected her to be emotionless, just in control. She could laugh and cry with him without restraint. But everyone now, it seemed, only expected the _controlled_ Princess and seemed to take comfort in her strength. Even Luke, although a dear friend to her, leaned on her for support and direction more so than the other way around. And then there was Han. And where all else had feared to tread, Han Solo had emblazoned a path through her every barrier.

"Leia?"

The knock at the door had not surprised her, nor the concern laced around the two syllables of her name. She turned to the controls and palmed the door open.

He stood with one hand perched up against the door frame as he leaned lazily against it. Something as simple as that struck her. The body language that he exhibited; nobody else, not even Luke would be so relaxed around her.

"You alright?"

"I'm fine. I'm sorry about that," she answered, and then waved her hand toward the lounge behind him with a polite smile that tried to suggest that it had all been nothing more than what it was.

Han simmered in front of her, his lips pursed. Why she continued to bother to try and fool him was beyond her. _He has your number, Organa_.

She dropped the smile, along with the act, and sighed. "I'm just tired. I'll be fine in the morning."

"We need you…_focused_ on this mission tomorrow."

Her spine stiffened.

"If you aren't up to it, then better to come out-"

"I am _ready_ and fit for this mission, Captain. I can assure you."

Just like his uncanny use of manners, Han's choice of timing to become professional and businesslike concerning a Rebel mission irked her. It was no wonder she questioned if she imagined half of the feelings she attributed to him. Like when she thought that fear for her safety was the reason he politicked so hard to keep her off of assignments.

Han straightened up, dropping his hand from its perch, and studied her. "Good." His eyes drifted further into his cabin and he said, "Mind if I use the 'fresher before you lock yourself in here for the night, then?"

Leia forced an obedient smile as she stepped to the side and said, "Of course."

* * *

><p>The people of Kwenn were dark-skinned and Leia spent most of the morning rubbing a darkening pigment onto her arms and face. Kwenn was a hostile, desert planet, similar to Tatooine, so the native people wore robes covering their entire bodies, although on Kwenn their attire had religious connotations as well. Chewie, according to the plan, would stay behind on the <em>Falcon<em>, his towering presence proving too difficult to blend into a crowd.

The _Falcon_ was docked in a small, primitive landing facility in an unincorporated town outside of Tierpen. It was a short hike through a thin forest to reach the outskirts of the holy city. Han and Leia set off just after breakfast. They were both dressed in white, loose-fitting robes that draped over their heads and wrapped around the lower half of their faces so only their eyes were visible.

"You know it's forbidden for men to see a woman's hair?" Han asked as they walked side-by-side through the forest. "Just her hair. Can you imagine that? I guess they'd flip out if a twi'lek dancer showed up around here."

Leia had to walk at a very brisk pace just to keep up with Han, even though he seemed to be in no hurry at all. "That's not so unusual," she replied, just a little breathless. "There are…_were_ traditions surrounding a woman's hair on Alderaan, actually."

If Han noticed the slip, he ignored it and asked, "Like what?"

"No man is allowed to see an Alderaanian woman's hair unbound until she's married."

"And after that?"

"What do you mean?"

Han stopped. "I mean, after that can anyone see her hair, or still only her husband?"

"Oh," Leia answered and felt herself blush. "It's unusual for an Alderaanian woman to leave the house with her hair unbound, but after she's married, it's not as…strictly forbidden."

Han looked at her and Leia thought he might be imagining her with her hair down, as if learning that it was forbidden had transformed something that had been so rudimentary to him before into something entirely provocative now. But he responded only with a simple, "Huh," and began to walk again.

As they walked further and further into the town of Tierpen, the terrible living conditions of the people became more and more evident. Leia eyed the derelict shanties that the Pentas called home with a heavy heart. The day before, when the _Falcon_ had flown over the town, the mismatched roofs of the tiny huts had looked almost beautiful, like…patchwork. Now, stripped of the forgiving illusion of distance, what had been beautiful was ugly and painful to see. And the fetid stench of filth and excrements made Leia's eyes water.

There was a native woman nursing a baby and three or four small children scrambled around about her. As Han and Leia walked passed, the woman locked eyes with her and Leia stopped. The roof of their shanty was made of an old advertisement and Leia read the slogan for fizzy punch, written in large letters above the woman's head: _Always refreshing_.

"C'mon, you alright?" Han asked as he tugged at her arm.

Leia shook her head, catching one last glimpse of the woman before she started walking again. She wondered if she was the only one that found the irony of starving children living under an advertisement for fizzy punch.

"There's the fountain," Han stated and Leia looked up the street and spotted their rendezvous point.

Still a few good meters ahead of them, the road widened as it curved around a large, round fountain in the middle of the street. In the center of the fountain stood a stone-carved likeness of a woman and only because their contact had named the fountain as "The Fountain of the Goddess Marantha" did Leia know who it was. The statue had been beheaded.

"We made good time," Leia replied, mission code for the fact that they were too early.

"We'll blend in fine around the fountain," Han replied and kept walking.

He was right, there were at least a dozen people surrounding the fountain. Some were dipping buckets into it and filling them with water, while several children were actually in the fountain splashing and playing in the cool water and still others just seemed to congregate around the town's centerpiece exchanging in idle conversation.

When they reached the fountain, they walked around it to its north side and Han stood with his back to the fountain and kept his eyes searching further up the street for their contact. Leia couldn't help but look around at the Pentas people gathered around the landmark. Their dark, lined skin and hard stares betrayed the terrible life that they led.

The giggling shrieks of the children caused Leia to turn and look into the fountain. A young boy and girl were running through the waist high water chasing each other and splashing. The young girl stopped and looked directly at Leia; her eyes were wide and brown, her skin free of the wrinkles that the years ahead of her would bring forth.

The stern voice of a woman jerked the girl's head to look at what must've been her mother. After exchanging a few words with the girl, the woman looked warily at Leia; she was holding a small child against her breast. Leia slowly turned away.

Han must've witnessed some of the exchange, because he leaned down and whispered, "Got visions of a couple of those in your future, do ya?"

Leia read his amused expression but refrained from responding, offering him only a roll of her eyes and a disgruntled scowl.

"Maybe a little boy with extraordinary piloting skills?" He teased as he walked around her, shifting his position around the fountain. "And a little girl with a love of spicy food?"

Leia crossed her arms and replied, "And both able to understand Shyriiwook perfectly?"

Han looked at her for a moment and then said, "Wait a minute. Is that because of _me_ or because you and Chewie…?"

She had to work at not laughing, worried that the joyful emotion would bring attention to her. There was not much to laugh about on the streets of Tierpen. She turned away from Han and a pair of blank, empty eyes grabbed her attention. They were shimmering beneath the water from the bottom of the fountain. For a moment her breath held. It was the Goddess Marantha's head.

"Due north, is that our priestess?" Han whispered to her, his voice serious now.

Leia tore her eyes away from the goddess to look up the street toward where Han was indicating, trying at the same time to find her breath and her bearings once again.

* * *

><p><em>Alliance Headquarters, Hoth<em>

"Leia?" Mon Monthma prompted, thumbing her holorecorder on. "Are you ready to start?"

Leia looked at the reflective glass behind Mon Mothma for a long moment. "We landed on Kwenn without incident, on the outskirts of Tierpen," she replied, her voice low, but steady and matter-of-fact. "And met our contact at the rendezvous."

"Did something happen at the rendezvous?"

Leia pressed her shoulders back and lifted her chin. "No," she replied. _Not at the rendezvous_.


	2. Chapter 2

Restoration

_Alliance Headquarters, Hoth_

"The Priestess arrived, right on time. I stood back, but I heard her and Leia trade the code words," Han recounted the events to General Rieekan.

"And then what happened?" Carlist asked, watching Han turn away from the viewport and take a seat again.

"They began to head north from the fountain. I followed."

"Did you reach the convent?"

"Without incident," Han replied.

* * *

><p><em>The Holy City of Tierpen, Naran Convent<em>

Leia traded code words with Billink and Druun, the Alliance operatives, while Han dealt with the Naran Priestess.

"You must stay for afternoon meal and I will accompany you across town," the Priestess repeated.

"Really, thanks, but we have a schedule to keep," Han tried again to argue.

"I'm afraid our gates are watched very closely and exiting at the hour of meal time will be…conspicuous."

"We would be honored to join you," Leia cut in as she walked up behind Han.

Han knew better than to argue and for once actually didn't. Leia was the point of contact for the pickup. He was logistics and bodyguard. Whatever she told him needed to happen, he was to make it happen and make sure that she wasn't hurt in the process. The arrangement actually worked fairly well. Han suspected it was because Leia felt in control over him and he knew it was because he felt in control over her.

* * *

><p>"The Naran are largely misunderstood. It is a small few that have taken to…<em>extremes<em>," the Priestess stated.

Their meal had been served. Han sat directly across from the Priestess, with Leia to his left and the two recovered soldiers on his right.

"Did you know that the Pentas and the Naran used to live together and worship together? Even though they differed on some fundamental beliefs, they did not war over them but allowed each to worship that what was separate and what they believed, together."

Han hadn't failed to notice that she had asked a question. But he also recognized that she didn't seem to want to share the floor with anyone else, so he kept his mouth shut. If Leia wasn't talking it was a good sign that he shouldn't.

"It was actually a very innocent event that brought this decade of war upon us, that tore our people apart."

The Priestess paused. Now Han was sure that she was waiting for one of them to speak. He could spot a test from a parsec away. Although he was no slouch when it came to preparing for missions, studying the layout of the area, the idiosyncrasies of the natives and even dabbling in their history, the answer she was searching for was failing to come to him. Yes, he recalled some watershed event - a discovery of some sort.

"The discovery of the Statue of Maylin?" Leia asked.

_Yes! That was it_. Han was not surprised that Leia knew the answer; her propensity to absorb facts borderlined on amazing. It was part of the reason he avoided telling her too much - the woman didn't forget anything.

"Yes, several decades ago a young Pentas boy unearthed a statue and great fortune fell on the Pentas people. Their children no longer died in their mothers' bellies, they bothered little with plagues and illnesses, their crops grew, and their numbers along with them. None of this good fortune befell the Naran, and jealousy and suspicion spread like wildfire. Eventually, the Naran stole the statue from the Pentas. Instead of it bringing the same great fortune, illness and bad luck fell on both people, but the Naran refused to return the statue and the Pentas refused to fight those that held it."

"And so here you are," Han said with a heavy hint of contempt. He had to witness many men die in battles that he did not necessarily believe in, but at least they were over more than the ownership of a hunk of stone.

"Very eloquently put, Captain. Yes, and so here we are."

"Where is the statue?" Leia asked.

The Priestess' eyes sparkled. "Why, it is right here in this convent. It has not always been so, but after many years it became apparent that no one would bear arms to take it; the warriors of the Naran placed it into our holy care."

"Would it be possible for us to see it?" Leia asked.

"I was hoping that you would ask," the Priestess returned and then leaned into the table and said in a lower voice, but not so low as if she was strongly worried about being overheard. "I have no real faith that the statue has any extraordinary powers. I worship one god and it is not Maylin. The year that boy unearthed the statue was the year that brought the great rains. Water begets crops. The Pentas were always more disciplined in the areas of cultivation and medication. High-yielding crops and sound medicine - that is all that caused the miracle era of the Pentas. And then the fool Naran warriors captured the idol at the beginning of the drought." The Priestess leaned back. "And two coincidences bred years of death and anguish."

"Why don't you just return the statue?" Leia asked.

"If there were so simple a solution available to me, I assure you I would have taken it. But to return the statue would only cause the Naran to revolt and tear the Pentas apart trying to recover it. I have thought on these matters for years and have lately come to feel a higher sense of urgency to take some kind of action. My years are becoming shorter ahead of me and I fear those that follow in my footsteps will not view the situation as objectively as I do. These conditions have caused me to keep my eyes open for any alternatives presented to me."

"The younger members attach more of a value to the statue's properties?"

"Very much so. And with that comes even more problems." The Priestess paused, eyeing each of the four Rebels in turn and then said, "It would almost be better if the statue were to simply…disappear."

Han looked at her and wondered if he was the only one that heard this as some sort of hint. "Well, if it could do that, then we wouldn't be debating its powers, now would we?" Han asked.

The Priestess lowered her head and smiled. "Once again, very eloquently put."

"What would happen then?" Leia asked. "In your opinion."

"If she were to disappear?" The Priestess verified and when Leia nodded, the Priestess continued. "There would be repercussions, of course. But if a third party could be cited, if the blame could be clearly placed outside of the Pentas or the Naran, perhaps the travesty would unite our people once again. They are frozen in the shadow of the statue's presence. To remove it would lift this oppression and allow everyone to refocus on their true beliefs."

"Or they could just keep on killing one another. Seems to me you're grasping at straws, wishing for the impossible," Han interjected as Leia laid her hand on his arm in an attempt to silence him.

Color rose to the Priestess' cheeks. "We have senseless killings in the middle of our streets everyday already, Captain. Who the Naran soldiers do not choose to slaughter, they may choose to brutalize, torture and rape. Remaining idle is something we have tried for over ten years. _Grasping at straws_ seems wiser to me now than remaining on our current course. We are beyond hope for a peaceful resolution amongst ourselves. Forgive me if I have begun to wish for what you call impossible."

Leia took her hand off of Han's arm and said, "I'm sorry if we offended you."

"The Captain has not said anything that I have not repeatedly told myself."

"We are very grateful for all that you have done for our…displaced friends. I will certainly do all I can to repay you for your generosity and kindness."

The hair on the back of Han's neck stood on end. It sure sounded to him like Leia had just hinted at helping this crazy holy woman with her disappearing statue scam. But the conversation ended there when the Priestess, along with everyone else, turned their attention to their food and Han decided to leave it be.

He took several curious glances at Leia. She seemed pensive and withdrawn after her conversation with the Priestess. He knew she was thinking about what the Priestess had implied and wondered if she was actually considering stealing the statue. Leia wasn't one to shy away from helping a cause, but after their conversation on the _Falcon_ the previous evening, he was almost positive that she wouldn't risk their mission in such a way. Nevertheless, he made a mental note to keep an eye on her.

After their meal, the Priestess led the small group of Rebels through the maze-like hallways of the convent to where the statue was kept. The convent was constructed of a smooth, white stone and had a red clay roof. Inside the building was no different than out; its walls the same white stone and the red roof visible above their heads. The high ceilings and crisscrossed breezeways must have aided the airflow, because it was several degrees cooler inside its walls. Han walked next to Leia, purposefully falling back from the crowd ahead of them.

"Hey. You alright?" He asked, leaning into Leia and talking out of the side of his mouth.

"Yes, why?"

"You seemed kinda…_effected_ by that story."

"It's just a shame, that's all. I like to think I'm fighting for something that makes a difference in the galaxy. But needless bloodshed over some meaningless statue seems so…"

"Yeah, but it's not meaningless to them and the reasons your fighting your war may seem just as silly to them as their reasons seem to you."

"A statue, Han?"

"Hey, I'm not saying I agree with it. I'm just saying you can't judge other people's beliefs. Isn't that part of what you're fighting for in the first place when you think about it?"

"Freedom to practice your religion of choice, yes. But freedom to slaughter innocent victims in the name of some statue?"

"That is practicing their religion."

Leia stopped walking and turned to him. "This is certainly an about-face from your opinions of yesterday."

"No," Han argued. "I said yesterday that I didn't agree with it and I still don't."

Leia turned and began walking as she spat back at him, "But just as always, you don't care to get involved."

Han grabbed her by the arm and stopped her. She looked up the hall at the others and then back at him, perturbed. "I caught that Priestess' hint just like the next guy, Leia. And I'm telling you, if it was that easy, someone else would have done it by now."

"I don't know what you're talking about," she replied and began walking again.

He considered her for a moment. Why did she continue to try and lie to him when she knew he could see right through her? He started walking and when he caught up to her, he said, "Just keep your mind on this mission and on getting those two soldiers out of here without incident."

"I don't need you telling me my job, Captain."

They continued walking through the convent, Han trying hard not to succumb to the barrage of emotions radiating off of Leia. He could read her body language, her breathing and her determined gait from a parsec away. Was she _trying_ to provoke him? He thought not. He could certainly understand her desire to help these people, to do something seemingly so simple that could possibly set things straight. But he had to trust that she valued the success of an Alliance mission more.

He knew times like these were hard for her. Too often in her life, difficult choices had to be made. In the short time that he had known her, he had actually done his best to help her gain the small victories that she so treasured. He certainly wasn't pulling off daring missions for his good health or for the damned Alliance.

He remembered when she had called him a mercenary. In his opinion, he had never been a mercenary. Sure, he was working for money when he first met her, money that he unjustly owed to Jabba. But before that whole deal went down, he had just minded his business and made a living. And now, most of what he did, he did for her - not that he would ever, ever admit that. In fact, looking back on it now, he was pretty damn selfless.

* * *

><p>The statue was set into a small alcove that allowed only one person to view it at a time. Not surprising to Han - since he suspected he knew her ulterior motives – the Priestess left the Rebels alone to view it. Leia went in first, followed by Billink and Druun, who seemed to care less about it than Han did. And then it was Han's turn.<p>

When Han entered the alcove, he was slightly taken aback. The statue was…intriguing. Much smaller than he had expected, it was no taller than the length of his blaster. The goddess Maylin was a multi-armed figure with a haunting expression on her face. She sat, instead of stood as Han had expected, her legs crossed in the way of those who meditate. Her lips were pressed tightly together in a thin smile or veiled frown depending on who was interpreting it. Her eyes seemed not to look through you, but beyond you – into your past or perhaps your future.

She was made of a pearlesque stone that Han could not identify. She was the color of the deepest Mon Cal Ocean, a stormy blue with veins of deep purples and blacks. There were several sparkling jewels inset throughout her body that seemed to capture and reflect light that was not even there. Han blinked and not wanting to seem affected by the idol, kept his visit short and quickly exited the alcove.

The Priestess returned and Billink and Druun headed out of the room at her indication. It was time to head for the exit. Han watched as Leia slipped into the alcove one last time while he spoke to the Priestess about their route. Leia returned and joined Han and the Priestess. A few more incidentals were discussed and the trio moved to leave and catch up to Billink and Druun. Han slowed his steps as they exited the room, quickly darting into the alcove as Leia and the Priestess disappeared around the corner.

Han's breath caught as he entered the tiny room. The statue was still there, sitting in idle curiosity. He thought for sure that Leia would have taken it, knew that she had wanted to – no, absolutely _yearned_ to. For a moment he was impressed by her restraint, and then almost simultaneously depressed by it. He knew this decision would weigh heavily on her.

Han slipped back out of the room and hurried his steps to catch up to the group, still reflecting on the recently transpired events. Perhaps his words of caution had stopped her. He caught up to everyone and glanced at Leia. Her eyes were hard and cool and her jaw clenched tightly and a part of him felt hollow and guilty.

* * *

><p><em>The Holy City of Tierpen<em>

Leia walked down the streets of Tierpen alongside the Naran Priestess. The rescued Alliance officers, Billink and Druun walked behind them and Han brought up the rear. It was late afternoon and the streets were overflowing with people. Many were children; filthy, emaciated and begging for food. Several times the group had to stop while the Priestess offered blessings to the sick. Leia covertly handed out emergency rations that she had hidden underneath her robes. It was the least she could do.

She had heavily debated whether or not to steal the Statue of Maylin from the convent, and an overwhelming sense of regret was beginning to blossom inside of her. Who was she not to help these people in any way that she could, especially when the Priestess had all but begged her to? But she had to remain focused on the mission. There were endless cities with countless problems all over the universe and she could not solve them all. This was just another one. The words offered no comfort and staved off none of her guilt.

Leia's heart and mind raced and, not for the first time, she thought of turning around and going back to the convent to do what she should have done in the first place. She was becoming irrational, she knew. She took deep, long breaths in an effort to calm herself. The Fountain of the Goddess Marantha was coming up in the curve of the road ahead and she remained focused on it.

Each step away from the convent seemed to relax her. It was too late now. It was out of her hands. Tomorrow would be the same for these people, as if Leia Organa had never been there, just like yesterday and the day before. What was the difference? The difference was that she had been there and done nothing. The thought rose like a lump in her throat and she swallowed it.

The Priestess had stopped moving again and Leia heard Han exhale a disgusted breath in response. He was not very sympathetic to her frequent detours. Leia could understand his frustration. If the holy woman kept stopping every other step, they would never make it to the _Falcon_ by nightfall. But there was no sickly child in a mother's arms crying for a blessing, or an elderly cripple pulling desperately on the Priestess' robes. Nothing had stopped her that Leia could see. And that's when she realized it wasn't something that she had seen that had stopped the Priestess, but what she had heard.

A thundering noise began to boil up from somewhere behind them and the Priestess slowly turned towards it. The horrified expression on her face made Leia think twice about turning around herself. But she did. And she saw twenty or thirty armed men riding some sort of hooved animals and approaching them rapidly. The locals were scrambling out of their way. The men were trampling anything that didn't move fast enough and swinging large clubs around, battering any pedestrians within their reach.

Leia heard voices screaming, "The Naran!" And when she turned back around, the Priestess, Billink and Druun were already moving quickly down the street. She felt a strong arm wrap around her shoulders as Han pushed her to follow the others. The crowds were rushing in between them, swarming. They were being shoved this way and that, almost rendered incapable of choosing their own path.

They were able to make progress, traveling southerly down the street. Many Pentas were crawling into the sparse protection of their shanties. Fights were breaking out while 'homeowners' tried to stand their ground. Leia saw the sweeping curve where the street widened around the fountain that they had stood at earlier. They followed what she hoped was the direction the Priestess had gone, the swelling sea of robe-covered beings making it difficult to know for certain.

On the edge of the street where it curved around the fountain stood a tall, abandoned building. Holes that used to be windows were either splintered with shattered glass or boarded over. There was an awning jutting off of the building that covered a portion of the dusty street. Han pushed Leia towards the awning and she finally caught sight of the Priestess and the two men. She and Han had to fight for a place as they squeezed next to the trio. The screaming echoes of panic had covered the sound of the approaching soldiers and Leia had no idea how much time they had left before the mad men arrived.

Her eyes darted about the streets. The soldiers must have been getting closer because the street directly in front of them was now eerily empty. In the distance she could see the large fountain and she recognized the woman that she had seen earlier in the day with a baby at her breast. The woman was screaming two words over and over in her native tongue. Leia didn't have to know her language to recognize the cry for help and she could see the woman's children splashing in the fountain.

She looked at Han who reached his hand up and fixed her facial cover back in place; it must have fallen in the chaos. She hadn't noticed. Her muscles tensed underneath her skin and she clenched her jaw tightly. Already today she had looked the other way and regretted it. She knew she should remain under the cover and stick to the mission. But that didn't make it any easier now than it had earlier. And her selfcontrol was wavering.

"Han?" She asked, almost as if in permission or a preemptory apology.

"What?" He replied; a hint of panic in his voice as his eyes quickly scanned the rest of her.

He seemed to think that perhaps she had been injured. After his cursory examination yielded nothing, he looked back up at her face. She, in turn, looked back toward the fountain. And then she stood up and ran.

"Leia!"

* * *

><p><em>Alliance Headquarters, Hoth<em>

"You left your detail and moved to help the woman?" Mon Mothma clarified.

"Yes," Leia replied almost guiltily, but it was not guilt that ran through her veins at the memory.

"What happened when you reached the woman?"

"She couldn't understand me. I tried to take the infant from her so that she could get her children out of the fountain. But she wouldn't let go."

"But you did eventually end up with the infant?"

"Yes. Han - Captain Solo spoke to the woman."

"What happened then?"

"It all happened very fast. The woman…she looked at me, then at Han, then at the soldiers coming down the street. She didn't exactly _hand_ the baby over to me, she just kind of loosened her grip."

"And then you took the baby?"

"Yes."

"And then?"

She shook his head. "There was blood everywhere, all over me, Han, and the baby. I didn't know if I had been hit or Han had. I remember screaming and the baby was screaming. One minute the mother was looking at me, her eyes wide and terrified, and then she was gone."

"What do you mean, gone?" Mon asked, leaning forward in her chair.

"She was just gone," Leia replied. "I didn't know what happened at first. Han jumped on top of me and the baby and I struggled underneath his weight while the baby screamed. The sound of the soldiers trampling passed us was deafening and…Han's body kept pressing down on me, harder and harder and then I realized what was happening."

"Captain Solo was being struck by the passing Naran?"

Leia nodded. "Repeatedly."

Mon pressed the pause button on her recorder. "Do you need a break?"

Leia shook her head. "No."


	3. Chapter 3

Restoration

_The Holy City of Tierpen_

It was over. The sound of the hoof beats of the soldiers' beasts faded in the distance. Leia's body was trembling, her legs collapsed underneath the weight of Han's body. The baby in her arms was not moving any longer and she tried to prepare herself for the fact that she had perhaps smothered the child to death.

"Are you alright?" Han asked as he sat back on his knees, easing his weight off of her.

Leia sucked in a deep breath of hot, dusty air and the baby grunted and wriggled in her arms. _Thank the Goddess_. "Yes," she gasped in reply.

Han grabbed her by the arms. "What were you thinking? You could've gotten us both killed!"

She heard Han's words, saw his mouth moving as he spoke, but none of it registered. Another sound was ringing inside of her head. It was the sound of screaming - of children screaming. Leia turned and looked toward the fountain. For a horrible moment everything else dropped away. She could hear Han talking to her, feel his grip tightening on her arm, sense the baby wriggling against her body. But all she could hear now were the children's screams and all she could see was the blood.

* * *

><p><em>Alliance Headquarters, Hoth<em>

"They had hit the woman right across her temple. She had fallen back into the fountain," Han recounted the events to General Rieekan.

"She was dead?" General Rieekan asked.

Han looked at him, annoyed by the obvious question and answered contemptuously, "Yeah."

"So, you were stuck with the children?"

"Or they were stuck with us."

"What about the Priestess and Billink and Druun?"

"They found us at the fountain. The Priestess talked the children out of the fountain and away from their mother."

"So, you continued toward the _Falcon_ with a baby and two children?"

Han bristled. "There was no one in Tierpen who would've taken three children and the Priestess told us of a monastery that may have been able to accommodate them."

"What about the convent?"

"They would've taken the two girls, but not the boy." Han sighed. "It was either leave them in the street or take them."

"Fair enough. What happened next?"

"We reached the forest on the outskirts of town. I gave the Priestess the coordinates to the _Falcon_. I told Billink and Druun to tell Chewie to pick me and Leia up at the first failsafe."

"Paranpe'?" Rieekan inquired. All missions included a second or even a third pick up location in case of trouble.

"Yeah."

"And this is when you deviated from the mission?"

"I'd say when we watched a young mother get slaughtered in front of her children would be when we _deviated_ from the mission."

"I'm sorry, Solo. You know this is all standard procedure."

"Standard procedure," Han echoed and then stood up once again. He turned away from Rieekan and looked over towards Leia on the other side of the viewport and whispered, "Right."

"Where did you go once you separated from Billink and Druun?"

"We could see the spires of the monastery off to the west of us. So, we headed that way."

"You, Leia and the children?"

Han nodded.

"Did you and Leia discuss anything while you walked to the monastery?"

Han shook his head.

* * *

><p><em>The Holy City of Tierpen<em>

Han had not said a word to Leia since they left the fountain. She was unsure if she could've formulated words anyway, it felt as though her vocal cords had been removed from her throat. The baby was so heavy in her arms that her muscles trembled under its weight, but she fought to hold her. The young children walked alongside of them, dragging their feet. The youth and playfulness that they had exhibited just hours ago in the water of the fountain now gone, stripped violently from them much like Leia's voice.

The young girl moaned, [I'm tired,] in Kwenn and stopped walking.

Han scooped the child up in his arms and she fought him for a few moments, screaming, [No! I want my momma! Why didn't you leave me with my Momma? I don't want to live without my Momma.]

Leia watched as Han struggled to hold her and finally the little girl laid her head against his shoulder and began to sob. Han patted her back.

"What was she saying?" Leia asked after the girl had calmed down, her voice hoarse and scratchy. Leia understood Kwenn just a little better than she understood Shyriiwook. She could decipher just enough to get the idea.

"She's tired," he replied.

Touched by Han's _delicate_ translation, Leia decided that - like her limited understanding of Shyriiwook - she would keep her knowledge of Kwenn to herself.

It was dusk by the time they reached the temple. The tiny spires they had spotted earlier now looming largely over their heads. The monastery grounds were surrounded by a tall, durasteel fence. Han set the little girl down and rang the bell.

Leia pressed her back against the fence and slid down to sit. She began to wipe the blood from the baby's face. The infant began to wail and scream in protest.

"Just leave it," Han said.

"I can't," she replied.

The little girl walked up to Leia and knelt in front of her sister. Her tiny hands began to rub at the red splatters of blood on her sister's forehead.

[Don't cry for Momma, Tioon. Momma's dead,] the little girl said matter-of-factly.

The words and their casual delivery wrung at Leia's heart. Leia was torn between a sense of awe at the young girl's fortitude and revulsion for the world that would require it of her. "What's your name?" Leia asked in Basic.

[She wants to know your name,] Han translated.

[Chiara,] the young girl replied.

"You're very brave, Chiara," Leia said and Han repeated it in Kwenn.

[My momma was brave. My poppa, too. I don't want to be brave,] Chiara replied, her chin tilted up defiantly.

Leia just looked at the girl and Han said, "She said thanks."

Leia dropped the girl's hand and looked at Han. He turned to his attention to the little girl as he crouched down on the street and said, [Chiara, come see.]

The little girl walked over to Han. [What's your brother's name?] Han asked her while he hitched his thumb toward the little boy.

[Kaeel,] she responded.

Han was digging in his pockets and fishing out ration bars. [Kaeel, come here,] Han called to the boy in his language.

Leia watched as the children gathered around Han and he offered them ration bars, hiding them in his sleeves, playing tricks and eliciting tentative giggles from them. Leia had always thought that Han acted like a child most of the time, but now amongst the children, thrown into this situation, he looked…fatherly.

Han caught Leia staring at him and then stood and walked over to her. He crouched down in front of her and held his hands out. "Let me take the baby. She looks heavy."

For reasons she didn't quite understand, she didn't want to let go. But her arms were aching from the weight of her. Han reached for the baby and Leia didn't stop him from taking her, but it felt as if more than just the weight of the baby was being taken from her as he did so.

Before he stood, he remained crouched in front of her at eye level for a moment, the baby in his arms. He asked simply, "You wanna talk about it?" As if he had been reading her mind.

Leia just shook her head in response.

Han stood. He looked strange holding a baby, but not at all as disconcerting as Leia would've imagined. There was a slight bounce to his step and he was patting her back as if he had done it all his life. Leia rubbed her arms, the numbness wearing off like prickly needles. The baby began to cry and Han shifted her a few times, but to no avail.

"You got a canteen?" He asked.

Leia nodded and stood, taking a small canteen from inside a large pouch hanging from the belt under the folds of her gown.

Han held the baby cradled in his arms now, her arms and legs were flailing as she screamed. "Take the cover off of your face," he said.

Leia obeyed and walked over to him. The younger children's eyes widened as they looked at her. She wasn't sure if it was because she was showing her face, or that half her face was white where she had not dyed her skin.

"Soak the cloth and let the baby suck on it," Han instructed.

Leia eyed him suspiciously, but again, she obeyed.

The baby was skeptical at first, but after a few tries, Leia was hard-pressed to keep up with her demands. Soaking the cloth and offering it to the baby between agonizing screams.

After what felt like an eternity, the baby's eyelids began to grow heavy and she became less demanding. Standing in front of Han, holding the twisted piece of material to the baby's mouth, Leia asked in a low voice, "Feed a lot of babies on military rations, Captain Solo?"

Han smiled, his 'wouldn't you like to know' smile and then replied, "This would be my first."

"Mine, too," she replied.

The children had approached Han and were digging for more ration bars in his sleeves where he had previously made them magically appear. "Whatdya say, Princess?" Han asked over a sly smile as he hitched his head down toward the children. "You wanna keep 'em?"

Leia studied him for a moment and wondered just how much he was actually teasing. She took the wet cloth from the now sleeping baby's mouth and began to clean her forehead with it. She weighed her words in her mind, testing them out a few times before she said them. "Would it shock you if I said yes?"

"Naw," Han replied instantly and she looked up at him. "I've seen the way you've been looking at 'em. It's like baby nerfs in the pet store window," he explained.

"It's the whole idea of them," she replied absently, turning her attention back to cleaning the baby's chin and cheeks. "They're the reason we're…I'm fighting this war."

"So you can raise your own children in peace one day?"

Leia looked at him, then shook her head and laughed. "Not quite."

"What? You don't see any babies in your future?"

Leia took the baby from him, her arms aching in a different way to hold her now. "Stop trying to get me to say something that I don't want to say," she replied, whispering over the baby on her shoulder, the infant's weight offereing a comforting pressure against her chest.

"What is it that you don't want to say? That you deserve the future you're fighting for?" Han replied while handing out ration bars to the children.

"It's not my habit to think about the future in that way…for me."

"Why not?"

"It's like the herdsman thinking of the nerfsteak. It's his job to bring the steak to market, not put it on his own table."

"That's such a load of cavit."

The children giggled.

"Watch your language." She spun around and began to walk away from him.

"They don't even speak basic," he replied, following her.

"Profanity translates in any language, Han."

"You're changing the subject."

She stopped walking and spun towards him. "What subject?"

Han narrowed his eyes at her.

"You want me to tell you that I dream of a happily ever after, Han? Well, I can't do that."

"Because you don't think that you deserve it," he stated emphatically.

His words hit her like a slap. He looked unsure of what reaction to expect from her. "No," she replied, composing herself. "Because I just can't see it. There was a time when I could…but not anymore."

"Then what are you fighting for?"

"Some days," she said and looked down at the baby. "I really don't know."

* * *

><p>A few lights flickered on, lighting up a path on the other side of the gate and towards the monastery. Chiara let out a nervous moan and Han picked her up. A man was walking slowly down the path toward them, wearing robes similar to old Ben Kenobi's. Han looked down at Leia. Their conversation earlier seemed to have thrown her into an uncanny silence. He wondered if it was only the events of the day that had her traumatized, or her entire godsdamn life. As far as he was concerned, either one was more than understandable.<p>

The monk stood on the other side of the gate, taking each one of them in with the movement of his eyes. His eyes landed last on Han and he said in Kwenn, [The girl is too old.]

Chiara wiggled in Han's arms and lunged toward the gate, her little hands clasping the metal rungs as she spit through their openings into the priest's face.

"Chiara!" Leia screamed and Han pulled her back.

But the little girl clung tightly to the fence and began to scream, [I don't want you! I don't need you to take care of me!]

Han saw Leia's face fall in horror as she watched him pry Chiara's fingers from the gate and pull the little girl into his arms.

The monk began to mumble prayers at the girl, her saliva still sliding down his cheek.

Chaira squirmed and fought to free herself from Han's grip. Standing at the fence, she continued, screaming in her native tongue, [Don't pray for me! Your prayers killed my papa! The Priestess said the Goddess called for my momma.] The girl's words were more sobs than screams now. [The Goddess can't have me. I don't want her to _want_ me.]

[Chiara, please!] This came from the little boy, who had not spoken a word until that moment.

Her brother's plea seemed to silence her and Han pulled her back as her hands fell away from the fence.

The monk looked at Leia, unaffected by the child's outburst. As if noticing her fading makeup and disguise, he spoke calmly to her in Basic, "She's too old to take. You should've left her in Tierpen."

"Please. These are her siblings. You mustn't separate them."

"Do you think they will live as a family within these gates?"

"They will be within the gates _together_. That's more than we can give them."

The monk's gaze drifted from Leia to Han and back. "It seems to me that you would be more than capable of providing a home for three small ones."

"We're off-worlders, that don't make us rich," Han responded.

The monk glared at Han and then looked at Leia.

"_Please_," Leia pleaded simply.

The monk stepped forward and unlocked the gate. The boy scrambled through as if afraid it would soon close on him. Leia cradled the baby in her arms and eyed her tenderly. There was something about the sleeping child that wrung at her heart. Before she let herself think too much about it, she kissed the baby on her forehead and then handed her to the monk, who looked down at the infant girl contemptuously.

Han knelt in front of Chiara and the little girl placed trembling hands on his shoulders.

[Please, take me with you,] Chiara pleaded to him.

Han's heart fell heavy inside of his chest. [I can't do that, Chiara. I'm a soldier.] Although his words weren't entirely untrue, they sounded sick and hollow as they fell on his own ears.

[You're with the woman. You help people. You can help me.]

[The woman is a soldier, too. We have nowhere to take you.]

[From here. You can take me from here and that is somewhere.]

Han looked down at the ground in between them and then back up at the girl. [If I promise to come back to help you, will you go with the priest?]

Chiara seemed to think it over for a moment and then said, [Swear. On my life.]

[I swear…] Han paused, swallowed and then said, [On your life.]

The little girl's breath shivered as she lifted her chin and choked back any remaining sobs before she spun around slowly and walked inside of the fence.

Han remained crouching as he watched her disappear and then stood up and looked at Leia who quickly turned away.

* * *

><p><em>Alliance Headquarters, Hoth<em>

"What did Captain Solo tell the girl?" Mon Mothma pressed.

"Chiara."

The older woman sighed. "And what did Captain Solo tell Chiara?"

Leia shook her head, slowly. "I don't know."


	4. Chapter 4

Restoration

_The Holy City of Tierpen_

They stood outside of the monastery gates for a minute watching the children disappear down the path as the row of lights winked out behind them.

Han took a deep breath and looked down the long stretch of road to their west. "There's no way we'll make it to Paranpe' before morning, even if I wanted to walk all night."

"Should we go back to Tierpen?"

"Did you see anywhere around there where you'd like to spend the night?"

"We could go back to the convent."

"That's a half a day's walk in the wrong direction and we're not even sure they'd let me sleep there."

"Then what?"

Han squinted his eyes and looked down the road. "I think I can make out some lights in the distance. Let's take our chances on the road to Paranpe'. Hopefully we can find a coupla rooms to rent."

"Alright."

* * *

><p>Han and Leia walked along the dusty road toward Paranpe'. The little girl's words rang deep in Leia's mind, from her scornful curses to the priest where she practically renounced her religion to her tearful exchange with Han and the promise she had elicited from him. She wondered briefly if Han intended to keep his word but dismissed it. She guessed that she really couldn't blame him for saying whatever it took to get the little girl to cooperate.<p>

Struggling with her thoughts, she walked alongside Han, the sound of his footsteps the only reminder that he was there. Leia was no stranger to heartache and loss and she wondered if one day she would reach the point that the little girl so obviously had, the point where the price far outweighed the vision, where one more death, or heartbreak or tragedy would be enough to send her over the edge.

Her thoughts rewound to earlier in the day, back to the Statue of Maylin. It was one thing to read about and discuss the senseless brutality and murder it inspired, but now she had experienced it firsthand. The guilt of her inaction began to smother her all over again as its victims now had three very real faces. How could she have walked away from an opportunity to put an end to all of it? She wondered if Chiara had known what Leia had done - what a coward she had been - if the little girl would've spit in her face instead.

She pressed back at the ache inside of her chest. She couldn't get mired down in regret, she had been down that road all too often – the slippery slope of what ifs. Like, what if she had told Tarkin the truth? No, she knew that wouldn't have made a difference. As far as Tarkin knew, she was telling the truth and he would've destroyed Alderaan whether she had said Yavin IV or Dantooine. She would have to go back further. What if she had never practiced espionage under the cover of her diplomatic status? Or what if she had never joined her father in fighting for the Alliance? And pretty soon she was erasing half of her life just to get the other half back.

Leia rubbed her hands along her eyebrows. She was tired. This was the exhaustion talking. It seemed the exhaustion talked to her more and more lately.

"I should've taken that statue," Leia finally whispered almost against her will. She didn't want to play this game, but she couldn't stand the silence any longer.

Han didn't answer her right away and for a long while she wondered if he had even heard her. Then finally, he said, "Maybe under the _New Republic_ their life will be different."

She admired his tactic. It was true that Leia Organa usually thought the New Republic was the answer to everything. "No. They probably wouldn't even make it on our radar. We would be no different than the Empire to them."

"Not if you're a part of the new government. You've been here, you've seen it. You can make a difference."

_I could've made a difference today, but I didn't_. Leia shook her head and looked around, her eyes tired and worn. "This is a religious war. It would be out of my control no matter what position I held."

It was times like these where she doubted her usefulness. The Alliance winning would make little difference to most people. Thoughts like those nearly drove her to lose faith in the Rebellion and humanity and _that_ was very dangerous, indeed. Because if she didn't have the Alliance to live for, then she came precariously close to having nothing to live for at all.

"You could fund orphanages, assign mediators, split the land so that they could live communally."

She shook off each of his arguments. "Face it," she said decidedly. "Sometimes things don't get any better than what they are and you just have to accept that."

Han stopped walking and she had walked a few paces before she realized it. She spun around and looked at him and he said, "What is wrong with you?"

She had no idea how to answer that question - no clue where she would even start – so she grew defensive. "What?" She spat back at him. "What do you want me to say? That I can fix it all? That the New Republic will solve all of the galaxy's problems? Well, I can't and it won't. It won't _undo_ what's been done." _Like Alderaan_. "Some things will never be the same," her voice broke but she stiffened her spine and continued, "and some things will never change."

Han narrowed his eyes at her. "This isn't about that statue, this is about you."

She turned around and started walking. Why did he have to be so insufferable at times? Couldn't he just leave her to wallow in pity alone?

"You've been acting funny since before this mission started." She heard him as he was coming up quickly behind her.

"I don't want to talk about it, Han."

"Exactly." He was next to her now. "That's why I know it's about you."

Her jaw tightened and she said, "Drop it." And amazingly, he did.

* * *

><p>They walked in silence for a long time. She would've paid any price for a glimpse into Han's thoughts. He knew her better than anyone, it seemed, and she wondered just how much he had figured out – just how transparent she was to him.<p>

She was losing her drive and becoming jaded. She was standing at the brink of that proverbial cliff, the wind whipping at her clothing and her hair, her toes curled over the edge. Most of the time she could hide it, mentally prepare herself each day to slip her optimistic attitude on like part of her uniform. But lately that had proven to be more and more difficult and it had been especially so today.

It had to be because of the children, she thought. The death of a soldier was one thing, but civilian deaths were different and children were not supposed to experience war like soldiers. Children were supposed to laugh and play and carry the hope for the future like a flame within their hearts. If their sparks were ever extinguished, there really would be nothing left to fight for.

As dusk turned to dark and the lights from the monastery behind them had become just as small as the lights from the village ahead of them, she heard Han whisper, "Some things _do_ get better, Leia."

His words floated on the air for a long while until they fluttered to the ground in silence and the pair shuffled over them like a discarded flimsi. What she was sure he had meant to be uplifting, only depressed her. She debated not even answering him but couldn't help herself. "Tell that to Chiara," she finally replied, her voice raw and flat.

* * *

><p><em>Alliance Headquarters, Hoth<em>

"Captain Solo?" Carlist repeated, his voice rising.

Han turned and looked at the General.

"What did you and the Princess discuss on the way to Paranpe'?"

"I told you, it wasn't about the mission."

"You indicated a concern regarding the Princess' involvement in future missions. I appreciate the gravity of the events that happened on Tierpen, but nothing you have told me thus far would indicate-"

"Can't you just take my word for it?" Han interrupted, his fist clenched at his sides.

Carlist sighed. "We are all very well aware of what Leia has been through."

Well aware and documented and filed away somewhere under 't' for tragedy, Han thought sardonically. It was times like this when he wondered if the Alliance was any better than the Empire. They were like the Naran storming the streets of Tierpen, so focused on their destination that they didn't care who got trampled along the way.

"She can't see past this Rebellion," Han finally offered.

Rieekan lifted his chin in understanding, and let out a soft, "Aha."

"She's in a dangerous place. Take it from someone who's been there."

"It's been too quiet lately," Carlist mused. "We're breaking up the fleet, there are rumors about a second Death Star, and everybody is gearing up for some sort of…culmination of events."

"It's more than that."

"She's stressed. I don't know what she said to you, but I can assure you, Leia is…hopeful for her future."

Han turned and looked at Leia through the viewport again. "I wish I could believe you, General."

Carlist sighed and glanced at his notes. "According to your ship's logs, you and the Princess did not rendezvous with the crew of the _Millennium Falcon_ until late the next morning."

Han turned to the General. "We had walked half the night. We stopped at the first inn we could find."


	5. Chapter 5

Restoration

_The Outskirts of Paranpe'_

"You sure you don't have a problem sharing a room?" Han asked as he started to peel off the layers of his robed disguise.

Leia eyed the bed and then Han. "You can sleep on top of the covers," she said and then added, "Just keep in mind that I sleep very lightly and I have a blaster."

"Sleeps light. Blaster. Check," Han replied as he turned toward the wall and began to heap the pieces of his robes on the floor.

"Besides, it's not like we had much of a choi-yow!"

"What?" Han asked, spinning around.

"Your back," she replied, walking towards him and turning him around with her hands. "There's blood soaked through your shirt."

"Oh, yeah. Ouch!" He screamed and jumped away from her as Leia tore the shirt from where it had dried against his wounds.

"Sorry. Let me look at it."

"No," Han said, holding his shirt down like a child. "I'll go take a 'fresher, it'll be fine."

They surveyed each other for a moment and Leia replied, "Fine," and raised her hands up in surrender.

Han bent down and scooped up all of his robes and then let himself out of the door. The 'fresher was a communal one located down the hall from their room. More of a hostel than an inn or a hotel, there had only been one room available for rent when they arrived. As exhausted as she was, Leia hadn't even blinked when she agreed to share the room with Han. It wasn't as if she didn't trust him and it didn't take sharing a bedroom for him to make lewd advances on her anyway.

Leia sat on the bed and waited for Han to return from the 'fresher. The cheap mattress sunk down even under her light weight and she imagined the sink hole that Han's bulk would probably create. She did her best to stave off the memories and thoughts of the day. There was nothing she could do now but move forward. Yet, every time she closed her eyes she saw flashes of Chiara and the baby and of that cursed statue.

She stood and moved toward the lone window in their room. Drawing the draperies back she looked out over the horizon toward where Tierpen now slept in the quiet darkness of the evening. It was just another city fighting just another war. How many wars could one person fight until they became immune to them? Leia let the draperies fall back into place, blocking her view. Apparently she had not reached that point yet. Maybe after a few decades of seeing the same thing over and over no matter where you went, as Han and Chewie had, she would be able to distance herself from it. But not today, not yet.

"She's all yours," Han announced as he walked into the room, apparently referring to the now empty 'fresher. He was in trousers and had a towel draped over his bare shoulders.

Leia jumped and spun around to face him. She was on the far side of the room and she began to walk towards him as she said, "Let me look at your back." Her words came out more as a command than a request.

"It's fine," Han replied and walked around the bed and away from her and she noticed that he was clasping the ends of the towel together in front of his chest, hugging it to him.

"Han, I'm tired and exhausted and about to get cleaned up. I don't want bacta all over my hands once I get out of the shower. Not quit stalling and let me look at it."

"Fine," Han replied and sat down on the bed, pulling the towel off of his shoulders and balling it into his lap.

"Oh my stars," Leia gasped and crawled over onto the bed to kneel down behind him. "They're at least a centim deep," she indicated as she ran her fingers over one of the long gashes painting his back.

"Ouch, well don't play with 'em," he snapped as he jumped at her touch.

"I'm not playing." She began to dig in her small utility satchel still clipped to her belt. "And stay still."

The room fell silent as Leia began to apply the slick medicine along the lashes of cut skin. She thought back to the pounding of his weight crushing down on her while he had covered her and the baby in the street. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"There wasn't anything that could've been done out in the street."

Leia closed her eyes and let a quick breath out of her nose. "This is my fault."

"No, it's the guys with the clubs' fault." After a long silence, Han added, "You carry enough baggage, Leia, don't add me to it."

Her hand stilled and she sat back on her heels. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing."

She began to spread the medicine again. "What _baggage_ are you referring to, Han?"

"Nothing. I'm sorry I said it. Are you done?" When he finished speaking he stood up, rendering his last question irrelevant.

Leia stayed kneeling on the bed and watched him. He threw the towel down on the floor and grabbed his shirt, quickly pulling it over his head and covering his torso. His movements were jerky and agitated, as if _she_ had hit a nerve. She whispered, "I want to know what you meant."

His eyes found hers and he let out an exhaustive breath. "I just meant, I know how much…_stuff_ you carry on your shoulders. You don't need to add any guilt about a few welts on my back to your repertoire."

"My _repertoire_?"

He rolled his eyes and groaned. "Leia, I'm tired. I don't have the energy it takes to weigh my every word around you. I think you know what I mean, let's just leave it at that."

She stood. "I don't know what you think you know about me..." She looked down at her hands, quickly losing her indignation. "Let's just leave it at that."

* * *

><p>Leia took as much time as she could in the 'fresher. The hot water only lasted long enough to get her body entirely drenched in soap and then left her with no choice but to endure a very chilly rinse. After the heat and the exhaustion of the day, she began to take comfort in the numbness of the freezing cold water. It stiffened her sore muscles and slowed down her over active mind. She tried not to think about what Han's words had meant. It was a strange thing, to want someone to understand you so badly, yet be absolutely terrified when someone actually might.<p>

When she exited the shower the only thing left weighing on her brain was a desire to sleep; she was thankful that she could finally think of nothing else. She had redressed in her underwear, trousers and tee shirt and although she hadn't washed her hair, she wrapped it up in a towel to dry the few strands that had gotten wet.

The small room was dark when she entered it. There was a single glow rod resting on a pillow on the far side of the bed giving off the only source of light. Han was curled on his side, lying on top of the covers as she had instructed. He had taken the side closest to the door and was facing in her direction, and with the backlight of the glow rod on the pillow behind him, she could barely make out that his eyes were closed.

She walked around the bed, dropped her damp towel on the floor and crawled under the covers. Taking the glow rod off of her pillow, she leaned over and dropped it onto the floor, just in time to see a small rodent scurry and disappear underneath the bed. She leaned back and slammed her eyes shut and tried not to think about what else might be crawling around their little room. In her former life, she had had the luxury of entertaining an order of cleanliness. She was mindful of what she touched, how often she washed her hands, what she ate and where she slept. Her indoctrination into the Rebellion had cured her of, or at least forced her to give up on, that part of her life. _Among so many other things_.

"I'm sorry about what I said."

This came from Han and Leia's eyes opened at the sound of his voice.

"I just meant that I know you have a lot on your mind, responsibilities and everything, and I don't want to add to 'em."

Leia turned from on her side to her back and then ended up on her other side when she completed the motion, now facing Han's back. "It seemed like you were referring to more than just my responsibilities," she said.

"I don't pretend to know everything about you." He kept his back to her.

Leia let his words die off in the silence for a long moment before she responded, "You actually know more than most."

This caused him to turn around, in the same way that Leia had until they were facing each other. The faint light from the glow rod down on the floor gave very little definition to his features. But she could see his lips move as he began to speak. "Then take what I said however you want to take it. Just so you know I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings."

"I think I knew that."

He stayed facing her but said nothing else. Thoughts and words spun around in her mind and she yearned to speak to him. When he was like this - when they were alone and it was quiet - he was easy to talk to. She liked the sound of his voice and the way that his chest rumbled with certain words and the way it made her insides quiver in response. She wondered how it would feel if he touched her.

"What did Chiara say to the monk?" She whispered.

Han didn't respond right away and she wondered if he had fallen asleep. But then finally, he said, "She didn't want to go with him."

The little girl's words flitted through Leia's mind. "That was all?"

"Pretty much."

"And what did you two say to each other?"

"She…," he stopped. "She wanted to come with us."

"And what did you tell her?"

"I told her it wasn't possible."

Leia left it at that. He was obviously trying to spare her in some way and she almost wished that she hadn't understood as much as she had. She studied his face for a long time, struggling to make out his features in the darkness of the room. When his breathing had been slow and rhythmic for a long time, she reached out and trailed her finger down his shoulder and along his bicep.

She fell asleep wondering how heavily he slept.


	6. Chapter 6

Restoration

_The Outskirts of Paranpe'_

Han was already awake when Leia climbed out of the bed just a few hours later, but he kept his eyes shut and let her sneak out of the door. As soon as she was gone, he jumped up and threw his boots on and then followed her down the hallway. He could hear her in the 'fresher and he leaned against the wall and waited for her to come out.

The door finally opened and a fully-clothed Leia, robes and face paint included, jumped at the sight of him.

Han remained casually leaning against the wall, his arms folded over his chest and asked, "Going somewhere, Princess?"

She pressed her lips together into a tight line and replied, "What are you doing up?"

Han pushed himself away from the wall and stood in front of her. "I'm a light sleeper, too. Where ya going?"

She walked past him. "Nowhere."

"Where _were_ you going, then?" Han asked as he followed her back into their room.

She sighed and then walked to the sole window in the room, drew the drapes back and stared out the window for a moment. "I want to go back to Tierpen. You don't have to come with me."

"For what?" He knew full well for what, but he wanted to hear her say it.

She let the drapes drop back over the window and turned to face him. She was biting her lip. "I should've taken that statue."

Han nodded slowly and closed his eyes for a moment. "I see."

She started walking towards him. "It's the least I can do. It could make a difference for those children – for all of those people."

She was standing in front of him now and the fire was back in her eyes. He took a moment to enjoy it, and then he said, "I can't let you do that."

"_Let_ me?" She asked, drawing her head back as if she hadn't heard him correctly. "I'd like to see you try and stop me."

"We don't know for sure if taking that statue would solve anything, Leia."

"But we don't know if it wouldn't. And doing nothing certainly isn't going to fix anything."

"What about the Alliance? This isn't part of our mission."

"I'll deal with the Alliance," she said and then sighed. "I have to do this, Han. I can't really explain why other than I just do. You don't have to come with me, but I am going."

Han sighed as well and then turned to the corner of the room where his robes were balled up on the floor. "No, you're not," he said as he scooped up the material. "You're not going anywhere."

"I'm not joking, Han."

"I'm not either," he said while he dug inside of his robes. Then he fished out the belt and utility container that held his canteen and first aid kit and handed it to her. "It would be a waste of both of our time."

Leia eyed the container for a long moment before taking it from him, its heavy weight surprising her. Without even opening the flap, she asked, "You _took_ it?"

He shrugged. "Seemed like the right thing to do at the time."

She plopped down onto the bed and after sitting in a long, stunned silence, she asked, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"There was no time to discuss it between getting beaten up and dropping off the kids and then, I don't know, I was waiting for the right time."

"The right time?" She asked incredulously and then looked down and began to unfasten the container. Pulling the idol out from its hiding place and shaking her head, she repeated absently, "The right time."

He spoke to her while he watched her study the statue. "I figured I would tell you this morning and if you wanted to return it, we would."

She looked back up at him, her eyes were glassy. "So, you just took it?"

Han shrugged his shoulders again.

She smiled. "You always like to pretend that you don't care, but you couldn't stop yourself from helping those people."

Han bristled and his tone was defensive when he replied, "There's no guarantee that I haven't done anything but make it worse for them." And then he paused as if struggling to find the right words, his shoulders relaxed and his voice was now very low. "Besides, I didn't really do it for them."

"Then why-" She only got two words out before she comprehended what he was implying.

"I had a feeling you might regret it."

She rolled her eyes, feeling as if he had missed the entire point. "That's not a very good reason, Han."

She saw a flicker of anger flash in his eyes and his body tensed up again. "You know what? That's part of your problem. You want me to do things…like...fight in your Rebellion for _your_ reasons. You don't have a problem with what I did but you have a problem with the reason I did it?" He pointed to his chest. "I do things that I think are right for the reasons that I think are right and you'll never change that about me."

_I wouldn't want to_. And right there, right then she realized that she was staring at the crux of her affinity for Han Solo; this ability of his to see something wrong and right it. His propensity for action and the way he held his friends above all else. The way that he outright called someone wrong when they were wrong - regardless of their politics or pedigree. All those same things that drove her to distraction were the very things that she admired him for...and had come to count on.

She shook her head. "I'm sorry, you're right."

Han drew in a breath as if to continue his argument but then deflated as her apology registered. "I am?"

Leia smiled. "Yes, enjoy it while it lasts, Captain."

She looked back down at the statue. Yes, this was why she liked being around Han Solo, he was her perfect counterweight. It wasn't that she was not a woman of action, but she did occasionally get mired down in the big picture and he always seemed to find a way to remind her of what she was actually fighting for. Like laughter and friendship and that not everything had to be galaxy-altering to be important. Sure, having a good time and enjoying life _were_ priorities for him. She actually envied him that. Wasn't that that sort of what she was fighting for after all, in a very simplistic way?

Maybe some, including her, often saw these things as a fault of Han's and felt that he needed to think things through more thoroughly. But when she would be frozen in indecision, Han pushed her. And she believed that oftentimes she caused him to give pause and think things through or think beyond just himself. And even though he may think he only took the statue for her, she believed that a part of him took if for the people of Tierpen as well.

"Now that you know, we need to get our stories straight."

Leia looked up to him.

"You just report everything as you knew it. We can't hide the fact that we took those kids, Billink and Druun were witness to that. And until just now, you had no idea that I had the statue, so just…forget about that part in your debrief."

Leia shook her head and began stuffing the statue back in its pouch. "If there are any repercussions from this, we'll both stand together."

"Leia, if they are going to expect anyone, it might as well be me. I mean, really, what can they do to me? Strip me of my commission? Drum me out of this outfit? Think about it. You have a lot more to lose than I do."

She thought about his words for a moment and after she fastened the catch on the utility pouch she looked back up to him and said, "You don't have to do this."

"How many times do I have to tell you? I know what I have and don't have to do."

The emotions in her heart bubbled over and she fought back the stinging of joyful tears. They actually did complement each other. _If we could just stop arguing_. She finally said, "I don't know what to say. I guess I really owe you one this time."

Han watched her for a moment, and then waggled his eyebrows as his eyes went from Leia to the bed and back and he said, "I can think of a few ways that you could repay me."

Leia rolled her eyes at him and scowled, the smile that she couldn't repress just moments ago evaporating easily.

Han chuckled and began dressing himself.

"Why do you _do_ that?" She asked as she watched him with a serious curiosity and drizzled more than just a little annoyance over her words.

"_Do_ what?"

"Say something nice or do something like…like _this_," she said, indicating the statue in her hands. "That makes me think that you're sensitive and…amazing." She bit her lip as if trying to catch the words as soon as they left her mouth.

Han stopped what he was doing, straightened up and stared at her, drawn by her words as if they enthralled him.

Leia pressed on, trying to recover from what she knew had left her wide open to an assault from him. "But then you turn around and act like a total bantha-brain."

"Wait a minute," Han said, holding his finger up as if to stop her. "Let me get this straight. You think I'm amazing?"

Leia couldn't help but release the laugh that worked itself up her throat. Shaking her head, she replied, "_No_, I said that's what you want to try and make me _believe_. There's a difference."

Han smiled. Then he shook his head and said, "I don't see the difference."

Leia stood, handed him the pouch that held the statue and said, "Well, look again."

* * *

><p><em>Alliance Headquarters, Hoth<em>

Han and Carlist had finished their meeting and the General had left Han alone in the hallway as the pilot waited for Leia and Mon Mothma to come out. Any apparent repercussions from the stolen statue had not yet surfaced and Han knew the further that got away from the event, time wise, the less likely it would ever come back to either one of them. They were a hidden organization after all. It wasn't as if the people of Tierpen could lodge a formal complaint.

He and Leia had agreed to send the mystical statue out of the airlock during their trip back to the Alliance base. But once again, Han had deceived her. He sent a few broken ship parts stuffed into his little utility pouch instead. Something told him that if they did space the statue, someday, they would regret it.

He didn't let himself entertain any of the thoughts he had of presenting it to her one day when she was a big deal in the New Republic and he needed an impressive gift to surprise her. Or what her face might look like when he did so and how she might thank him. No, he didn't think about that much at all.

The door to the conference room opened and he jumped. Leia walked out alone and he asked, "How ya doin'?"

"Fine," Leia replied as the door slid back shut behind her. "Three hours of debriefing really gets the blood going, you know?"

She had begun walking and Han fell in step beside her. "Yeah, when I show up two days late from a mission I don't get this kind of treatment."

"I was just thinking the exact same thing."

"Well, you're a member of the High Command and a…Highnessness. People get worried when you go missing."

"It felt like more than that." Leia stopped walking and Han did the same. Once they were facing each other she asked, "Did you say anything?"

"About what?"

"About me…that was unrelated to the mission?"

He pulled her by the arm to the side of the corridor so others could pass. "You think I would do that?"

She looked down at his hand on her arm and replied, "I think so now."

Han let her go and then said, "Me and Rieekan talked just now, a little. But that was _after_ three hours of debriefing."

Leia folded her arms across her chest. "And what did you and _Carlist_ talk about?"

Han hesitated, unsure of just how he wanted to phrase his answer. "We're both…worried about you."

"That's just wonderful," she said as she started walking again, very briskly. "I told you, I'm fine. And I don't need you two acting like father figures to me. I'm a grown woman."

"Only one of us looks on you like a daughter, Princess."

This stopped her in her tracks. "_Really?_" She shook her head and started walking again, this time a little slower and she said, "That's true. I was always more of _niece_ to Carlist."

Han ignored her comment and replied, "I've already got another assignment. I'll be leaving this morning for Alzoc III."

She stopped again. "Alzoc III? Another frozen planet? Why are you going there?"

"They have parts that'll supposedly enable our speeders to work in the cold. I should only be gone a few days."

Leia released a long, heavy sigh. "Fine, then. Have a safe trip, Captain."

"I will," he replied and then gave her a wink and a smirk as he added, "And try not to miss me too much."


	7. Chapter 7

Restoration

_Alliance Headquarters, Hoth (Twelve Weeks Later…)_

Han Solo was late returning from his mission. It wasn't all that unusual of an occurrence. In the three years he had been with the Alliance, he was gone more than he was with the band of Rebels. Sometimes his missions consisted of month-long expeditions across the galaxy and his lengthy absence was expected. Oftentimes he had run into trouble with the Empire and short trips had gotten delayed. Then, more times than the proud pilot would like to admit, trouble with his beloved freighter had kept him grounded elsewhere and days could turn into weeks or weeks into months before he would finally return.

It had been a slow progression of events that had these absences weighing more and more heavily on Leia. In the beginning they would fly by unnoticed until the crazy Corellian that had rescued her on the Death Star would suddenly appear and inquire quite annoyingly if she had missed him. Oh, how she longed to recapture the aloof reply she was able to give back then. The feigned disinterest that - as time wore on - she found that she was unable to deliver very convincingly anymore.

Han seemed to take pleasure in it, as his entertainment level increased on pace with her level of discomfiture. It was one of the things that she absolutely hated about him. She found that to be one of the greatest testaments to her failing mental health, for it seemed everything she hated about Han Solo was exactly what she missed about him when he was away. He was an infuriating man that apparently, she was not prepared to live very long without.

She found that last thought terrifying.

* * *

><p>Princess Leia had left word with the hangar crew to alert her as soon as the crew of the <em>Millennium Falcon<em> returned, no matter what the time or circumstances of their arrival. So it was that she was awakened in the middle of the night by a nervous communications officer over her comm.

"_Princess Leia, ma'am?_"

"Yes, what is it?" She snapped, not bothering to hide her annoyance at being woken in the middle of the night and certainly not remembering her request regarding Captain Solo that she had given over two months ago.

"_I'm only following the orders I was given in contacting you. I apologize for the hour, but I made double sure that it had indicated to disregard the time_."

"Okay, yes. What is it, then?" The fog had certainly begun to lift from her mind as she sat up and rubbed head. Han's arrival did push its way quickly to the forefront of her mind, over all other things that could possibly go wrong while hiding out with the Rebellion. She decided not to assign any particular meaning to that fact at that very moment.

"_We have just granted the _Millennium Falcon_ permission to land_," the officer replied.

The fog in her brain lifted instantaneously. "Which docking bay?"

"_A-forty-nine-oh-one_."

"Thank you," Leia replied, already standing next to her small cot. "Organa out."

"_You're welcome, ma'am. Control out_."

If only to prove her own self-control, Leia did not rush to the hangar to meet the returning crew of the _Falcon_. Instead she determined where his initial debrief would be held. A formal meeting would take place the next day when all necessary members were present, but returning pilots were always immediately debriefed by the on-duty commander in case they had news of the Empire's whereabouts or other important information to relay regarding their mission.

When Han finally exited the small conference room, he almost looked as if he intended to stroll right up to her and kiss her and her heart pounded at the mere possibility. The fact that she found herself wishing that he would came as not a big of a shock as she thought it should. But he stopped in front of her and looked down at her, something akin to relief and longing reflected in his expression and in his eyes.

"Go ahead, Chewie. I'll catch up," he said while looking directly at Leia.

Chewie growled his response and walked away, along with the officer-on-duty, leaving the couple alone in the icy corridor.

Even though she was the one standing in the hallway in the middle of the night for no reason, she remained silent.

"I'm glad you're here. I was worried about you," Han said.

Leia swallowed. There was no hint of teasing in his tone, no jibes about her waiting for him in the middle of the night and what that might imply. She wondered if this was what it felt like and looked like when they were honest with each other and decided that if it was, she liked it. She had had a lot of time to think while he had been away.

"I have something for you." He seemed unfazed by her silence and she watched as he began to dig into his pockets.

"Why were you so late?" She finally asked.

His only response was to hand her the item that he had fished out of his pocket.

It was an old-fashioned holo, laser-printed on a piece of flimsiplast. It was of three children. Leia first recognized the young girl, Chiara. She was wearing a dress that was the color of nerf butter. Her brother was standing next to her, holding his baby sister. It was the baby that Leia had held; she was able to hold her head up now. They were smiling and there was a large tree in the background. Leia ran her fingers over the three of them.

After a long moment she looked up to Han. She had to swallow the lump in her throat before she said, "You went back."

Han nodded his head and said, "I had made a promise."

"To Chiara?"

He nodded his head but didn't say anything.

She looked down at the holo. "They're not at the orphanage."

"No, they've all three been adopted by a young couple living in Suunmun."

"They have grass," she whispered.

"And hover scooters and three square meals a day."

She looked up at him. "You did this?"

"The young couple had already made arrangements to take the baby. I talked to them and helped make it so that they could take all three."

She suddenly felt disoriented. She had wanted to talk to him, that's why she had left that message to alert her on his return. But now she couldn't remember anything that she had wanted to say. "I would've liked to help."

"You did."

He was a good man, it's not like she hadn't known it all this time but these little affirmations that he gave her were like succulent treats that she cherished dearly. Although physically drawn to him for longer than she would ever admit, it was this deeper attraction that unnerved her. It was like the way he stayed with the Rebellion under a pretense of disinterest, yet fought as hard and meant as much as some of their best soldiers. Their relationship was exactly the same – on both sides.

"I would've liked to go," she finally replied.

"Maybe next time."

His voice was tender and sweet. Tears welled up in her eyes as her emotions began to bubble to the surface. She looked back down at the holo, unable decipher the children's faces any longer as she blinked furiously to try and regain her now blurred vision.

"Things are better in Tierpen. The Naran have begun to return the farmland back to the Pentas," he said.

Leia nodded until she had composed herself and then looked up to him and asked, "Is this why you were gone so long?" And then glancing down the empty hallway, she said, "What did you tell them in your debriefing?"

"We ran into some blockades around Alzoc III, so we had to lay low for a little while. We landed on Kwenn for repairs and supplies. My story will check out and that's all they need to know."

Leia Organa willingly participating and encouraging falsifying Alliance reports. It wasn't something she thought she was above - there were always extenuating circumstances – she just never thought it would ever come this easily - or this often. "Good."

He went to take the holoimage from her and she pulled back on it. "What? You want to keep this?" He asked innocently.

She nodded her head, grasping the piece of flimsiplast tighter in her hands. The vision that it held was like a life vest to a drowning man, she had no intention of letting it go.

"It comes at a price," he replied seriously.

"What price?" She waited for the jibe now, the sexual innuendo and although she had no problem fending off his inappropriate remarks on even her worst days, she didn't want him to spoil this moment with his usual humor.

He jerked his chin toward the smiling faces in the picture, "Tell me that you believe things do get better."

She eyed him curiously, letting the meaning of his words sink in as she recalled their conversation all those weeks ago. Then she tilted her chin up and said, "I believe," but then choked on the rest of the words.

"That's a very curious thing about you," he said, waggling his finger at her and smiling. "You can never say anything that you don't truly believe."

She felt her face flush. "I _believe_ it."

"Believe _what_?" He pressed, lowering his face to hers and keeping his grip tight on the flimsiplast.

She breathed out, her mouth hanging open as she shook her head at him. After twelve weeks of agony waiting for him to return, nearly three years of trying to rebuild her life again and a lifetime of sacrifice. _I do still believe it_. The words warmed her insides, like drinking a hot cup of kaffe.

She had come precariously close to succumbing to the tantalizing pull of that abyss, that place where you can just give up. She had certainly earned that right, hadn't she? That Han Solo was about the only one that had noticed it and worked to pull her back from it…well, that hadn't escaped her.

The reasons that he turned around that fateful day to help Luke, or that he continued to hang around and help her Rebellion were still unclear. More and more she thought it might be solely for her benefit and more and more she had grown to like that idea. He had told her once that she could never change the reasons why he did things and the more she puzzled him out, the more she knew she wouldn't want to.

He had been a mercenary, an antagonist and now... "That … _sometimes … _things do get better," she whispered.

"That's right, Princess," he replied as he released the flimsi, his expression matched that of the winner of a Sabacc tournament.

She looked at him defiantly, still unable to allow him one moment of triumph at her expense. She hadn't changed that much. Lifting her chin up she said, "I don't see how you think this changes anything."

"Well, then…," he replied with a wink and a smirk. "Look again."

And then he turned and began to walk off in the direction of the hangar leaving Leia standing in the freezing cold, holding the flimsi clutched tightly in her hands. After several steps, he turned around, held his arm out and motioned to her. "C'mon. You alright?"

Leia smiled and began walking towards him. When she had reached him and he swung his arm over her shoulder leading her down the corridor, she answered, "Yes. I'm alright."

* * *

><p>Thanks for everyone who read this story and especially to those that left reviews, they definitely keep me inspired! A special thanks to Zyra for beta reading for me, as always, the story wouldn't have been the same without you. Hope you all liked it.<p> 


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